


so tell me when you're gonna let me in

by aeriamamaduck



Series: Somewhere to Begin [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Angst, Animal Transformation, Drunk Katsuki Yuuri, Drunken Kissing, Fic within a Fic, Hints of Pain Kink, Inexperienced Victor Nikiforov, Insecure Victor Nikiforov, Jealous Victor Nikiforov, Long-Haired Victor Nikiforov, M/M, Masturbation, Miscommunication, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One-Sided Attraction, Past Relationship(s), Pining Victor Nikiforov, Shapeshifting, THESE TWO NEED TO TALK, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 06:45:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12271047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeriamamaduck/pseuds/aeriamamaduck
Summary: Both sides now.Victor takes a drunken Yuuri back to his home, unsure of his place in the healer's heart.Set duringso why don't we go somewhere only we know. Should be read in order.





	so tell me when you're gonna let me in

**Author's Note:**

> aw yiss
> 
> it's a series now
> 
> now have Vitya's angsty pov of the aftermath of the festival

* * *

 

_"Distance makes the heart grow fonder,"_

_Said by someone stronger than me_

  _So what do I do now?_

 

* * *

 

“Take me home, Victor..."

 

And Victor did just that.

 

The Changer held Yuuri securely in his arms, making his way to the cabin they shared.

 

Victor had never feared the spring the way he did now.

 

Except after tonight that fear was much worse.

 

He couldn't say for sure when he knew he was falling in love with Yuuri. Maybe it was after that very brief lapse when he'd danced with Victor after their first trip into the city, and Victor knew there was so much more to Yuuri than him being just a simple, solitary healer.

 

But there had been  _something_ , something he couldn't deny even in those first days when Yuuri was still such a mystery, his eyes revealing so much more than his words did.

 

And then tonight...

 

Victor had learned so much about Yuuri during his time with him and he wanted to know more,  _everything_ about Yuuri, but...

 

Yuuko.

 

It was not what Victor had expected to find out about Yuuri. It made some sense that he'd been alone for five years if he was running from a failed relationship. 

 

Still, Victor couldn't forget. 

 

_"Yuuko loved you and I know you loved her…You still do, don’t you?”_

 

The dread in the man's voice had matched the dread in Victor's heart.

 

And then Yuuri hadn't denied it.

 

It was then that Victor realized he would likely never have a place in Yuuri's heart.

 

But then that dance.

 

And the kisses.

 

Victor's lips were still buzzing at the memory. Yuuri had surprised everyone with his innate skill and sensuality as he danced  _Eros_ , and while Victor's heart was still in the midst of breaking he couldn't resist just that one chance to dance with Yuuri, to show anyone looking at them that  _Victor_ was the one Yuuri wanted to share that moment with.

 

He hadn't expected the kiss. It had been his first, and for just a moment he thought,  _Yes, he wants me too._

 

Then came the sobering memory of Takeshi's questions and Yuuri's lack of an answer.

 

No, it wasn't him Yuuri was kissing.

 

It was probably the memory of that woman, someone who had evidently moved on while Yuuri lived in total isolation.

 

It hurt and Victor still tried to explain it, thinking that Yuuri was drunk, maybe it was just an accident, something meaningless.

 

Then it had to happen again, and Yuuri had been  _ravenous_ as he pinned Victor to the wall, catching him off guard. How could he have forgotten that Yuuri was strong, for a human? Gods, Victor felt like he was melting in that moment, trying to keep up as his knees began to feel like liquid. Then Yuuri started to devour his neck, murmuring heated words into his skin, and it took all of Victor's willpower to keep from touching him back, remembering that Yuuri was drunk, Yuuri didn't know what he was doing, Yuuri was probably thinking about  _someone else_.

 

He was relieved when the cabin finally came into view.

 

When he laid Yuuri down on his bed, Victor took a moment to gaze at his face. He wore an expression of such tranquility, one that Victor wasn't used to seeing on his face. He was always so worried, so quiet, so reserved, barely starting to open up to Victor and even the rest of the world.

 

Without thinking, Victor stroked his dark hair, inhaling his sweet green scent, much like summer, cut through by the sting of alcohol. 

 

Would he even remember this in the morning?

 

Victor wanted him to.

 

He wanted him to remember how happy he must have felt dancing so beautifully, unrestrained and acting as though he and Victor were the only ones in the hall. 

 

Most of all Victor wanted him to explain just what those kisses meant.

 

Then again...Victor probably wouldn't like the answer.

 

After all, Yuuri likely thought of him as a nuisance, someone who had unexpectedly intruded into his quiet sanctuary. Someone he would be happy to watch leave.

 

Could Yuuri really be so committed to a life of solitude?

 

His fingers trailed to Yuuri's soft cheek, his breaths shaky as he wished with all his might that Yuuri would give him the answers he so yearned for. That Yuuri would look at him and  _see_ him, see how close he was to falling to his knees and begging for a place in Yuuri's heart.

 

Quickly drawing his hand away before he could give in to the temptation to trace those perfect lips with his thumb, Victor turned and bolted out of the cabin, shutting the door behind him as he bit into his knuckle.

 

Yakov was right. He was nothing but a romantic fool, never satisfied with what was in front of him. He had to fly far from home, stupidly get himself injured, and was unlucky enough to fall for a human whose heart already lay with someone else.

 

His throat grew painfully tight and tears stung his eyes at the thought. 

 

He did what came easy.

 

He Changed in an instant, paws pounding into the snow as he ran as fast as he could, the cold scents around him filling his nose.

 

Every instinct told him to turn and go back to Yuuri, to faithfully stay by his side even if...

 

Gods, how far was he willing to go with this?

 

Would he really pretend he was fine with being second best? 

 

That wouldn't be fair to either of them.

 

Still he wanted to run back, to stay by Yuuri as long as he could.

 

He feared the spring. He feared that goodbye.

 

But how could he even  _begin_ to confess when Yuuri was probably in love with someone else?

 

He arrived at the river and Changed back, breathing hard as his mind raced with thoughts of Yuuri.

 

Still those kisses weren't easily forgotten, not when Victor had wanted them for so long.

 

Neither was the way Yuuri had moved against him.  _Like he wanted him._

 

Exhaling hard, Victor groaned as all the blood rushed to his groin for the second time that night. 

 

He couldn't. He  _wouldn't_.

 

He bit his lip, wonderful agony racing through him when he remembered the way Yuuri had done the same, as he lowered his trousers and took hold of his erection, choking back a moan and feeling wretched.

 

Yuuri's lips. Yuuri's hands. Yuuri's mouth. Yuuri's voice and words. Yuuri  _Yuuri_...His hand moved over his length, the pleasurable friction making him drop to his knees.  _I love you. I've been waiting for you,_ he thought desperately.  _I've been wishing for someone like you for years..._

 

Dark brown eyes, gazing right into him like they were really seeing  _him_ , and not the memory of a lover left behind. Those beautiful eyes he loved, burning through him until he was brand new and all Yuuri's.

 

He wanted it. He wanted it so badly. He wanted Yuuri to touch him, to kiss him, to  _hurt_  him _just_ _a little-_

 

Victor gasped at his climax, his seed dirtying his hand as he groaned as quietly as possible. 

 

Gods, he was terrible.

 

He knelt in the cold for a few moments, so sure Yuuri would be disgusted with him.

 

Maybe it was just as well that Yuuri wouldn't remember what happened tonight.

 

Still... 

 

Furiously blinking away his tears, Victor pulled his trousers back up and went to the river, hands breaking through the thin film of ice so he could clean away the evidence of his wretched pleasure. He shivered but kept his hands in the water, not caring about the freezing cold.

 

He was so confused, and it was likely that Yuuri would stay silent if he asked anything of him.

 

He couldn't just leave, though. Not like this. Not without  _knowing_ if he'd ever stood a chance. If maybe Yuuri...If maybe he loved him back.

 

Satisfied that he was clean, Victor Changed into a wolf again and started to make his way back. He had no answers and nowhere to go, at least not yet.

 

But...

 

Once he was in front of the cabin he felt too bloody guilty to step inside.

 

It wasn't the first time he'd been caught in weather like this in his wolf form.

 

He curled up at the doorway, misery flooding every inch of his body. Victor should have been used to losing people he loved.

 

Then again he never really had Yuuri in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry
> 
> actual sequel coming soon :)
> 
> COMMENT PLEASE
> 
> my tumblr: **aeriamamaduck**
> 
> Lyrics quoted from _"DKLA"_ by Troye Sivan (feat. Tkay Maidza).


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